hi random deviant!

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You will never know how it would be if you don't take a risk.

Nicce gallery

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Do evil things with a smile on your face

Thank you for favoring my work. Every picture gives me the extra boost of energy I need to finish a

picture.

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namu, namu, NAMU!
not neopian?
[link]
Mememaking account:[link]

No problem!

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

Thanx fer teh fave!

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I'm not the crazy one, you are!!
RPG Assylum ~[link]

caring for others is a gift. do not underestimate it. it let me post. yay!

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I AM INSANE. I

"If you hold to my teaching, then you are really my diciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-JESUS John 8:31-32

Want to know the truth?

Check out these links
-www.dare2share

srry. wouldnt let me post. anyway, caring for ppl is a gift. don't underestimate it.

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I AM INSANE. I

"If you hold to my teaching, then you are really my diciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-JESUS John 8:31-32

Want to know the truth?

Check out these links
-www.dare2share

That's one thing I do, do. Do. I might not be of the same faith, but I do believe in God and while I ask "why" I never get angry or blame him. I believe that the things I enjoy might be against his greater plan and therefore I am not allowed to do it. I believe God wishes I could do the things that made me happy but just can't be done. Perhaps doing those things would keep me from doing something I need to do. One thing is I care for family members. I have one very sick aunt, and a disabled mother. I care for people. Perhaps that's what I'm intended to do. I don't see how getting the novel out keeps me from doing that but apparently... it does.
I think a lot of my physical disabilities are God's way of slowing me down. though.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

ah. well, this may make you angry, but talk to God about it. I know a lot of people become bitter toward God, but he's the only fix, and it's not quick. Sorry to be preachy. But it's 100% true. 'I am the way, the truth and the light. No one comes to the Father except through me.' -Jesus. A verse in the Holy Bible. My # 1 inspiration.

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I AM INSANE. I

"If you hold to my teaching, then you are really my diciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-JESUS John 8:31-32

Want to know the truth?

Check out these links
-www.dare2share

It does, at least it shows good people are out there. For sure.
Sad thing is, part of me still wants to work on thhe story. (Thankfully programs can help with some of my typing issues), it's hard to when you want to give it to the world and the world doesn't want it. I have never been able to do anything "Just for me."... not my nature.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

ah. bummer. can't say i can relate, but i feel for you, if that means anything.

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I AM INSANE. I

"If you hold to my teaching, then you are really my diciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-JESUS John 8:31-32

Want to know the truth?

Check out these links
-www.dare2share

I've spent my whole life trying to set out and do my own thing. It just seems like I either miss the train or something happens to take it away. Like drawing, I USED to be pretty decent and was getting better. I had this sort of Fred Perry/George Trosley thing going. But a few accidents made drawing rather... painful. Sometimes my hands are so rigid I pick up something like a suitcase and I have to use my other hand to pry my fingers open. Writing is what got me into this depression. I put so much work, time, and money into it and it just wasn't being recieved. (If I went into everything I did for the fiction... you'd think I was insane. Wait... I AM insane... clinically. But that came about long before this depression hit.)
I wasn't bad as a boxer. Far from GOOD but by the time I realized it was something I could have done (I lacked the killer instinct) I learned I had degenerative cartilage in my feet and ankles, and ultimately got a bunch of bone fusions. NEW PAIN, there wasn't a drug on the planet to kill the pain of what they had to do. I started businesses, carpet steam cleaning (OH the stories I could tell! There were some goodies) which got embezzled to death, check cashing which got embezzled to death, process serving which more of a freelance thing. Even a plating and metalforming company... which the equipment was banned months after I got it.
And I DO have some very seriously bad things. It's one of those that no one understands because most people never get where I am mentally. I am addicted to sleep meds.
The only thing I have to do, and I only do it with a heavy heart because my hands, back, and feet wont let me do it for long, ar emy cars. I figure I can get enough done to finish my 1969 Camaro and my 1929 Dodge, and that's with lots of help.
I get going easily, too. My mind is usually going in about ten different directions at once, and at a million miles per hour. For that novel I was trying to write I have two footlockers and one antique "Treasure chest" type deal (Very nice antique stained wood) full of books, notes, printouts, things I have researched. One trunk I threw out when I stopped writing weighed 140 pounds. I invested enough money that went at least in part to the novel to get a 2009 Camaro with enough left for a custom paint job.
Thing is a lot of folks believe that this novel is the sole reason I'm so broken hearted. Far from it. I spent most of my life watching people I love go away... most by death. Plus, and this hits me hard at the moment, how for years friends have rested their head on my shoulder needing someone to talk to, or have an emergency and needs help, or whatever. They needed help with something. I was always there, always did something to help. Then when I crash emotionally suddenly I was pretty much alone aside from a couple of friends. Some even nailed my ass to the wall over it. Remember that commercial where they talk about all these kinds of friends and slowly everyone disappears until there is one guy standing there as the one friend who will be there for a friend with a mental illness? I felt so alone and betrayed because all these people who needed my help and I was there didn't have the time or patience to return the favor.
I know it sounds like I'm making up a lot of excuses. I But I really have exhausted everything I enjoyed or have passion for. I have done a LOT of things in my life. I was always trying something new because I was always kind of a follower. Meet a friend, they do something, I get involved and it either works or doesn't.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

no offense... but, you shouldn't try and do exactly what others do... it's impossible. strike out on your own, be spontaneous, do something all new, exciting. it's not too hard if you look around. even if it starts with something as simple as trying a new food you've never tried before. (like sushi) try not to dwell on the past, or others decisions. It just brings you down and you can do nothing about it anyway. heck, it's their choice. their life, you can't make them like you, so don't waste time and energy trying to make them. take up constructive habits, not destructive ones. not that you have any, i have no idea. just an example, smoking or cutting yourself just cause more depression. WRITE. DRAW. find an outlet for your anger/sadness. it works. trust me.
i know i sound like a creepy psychiatrist, but it's true.
and i know it sounds random, but... eat FRUIT. Take vitamins. YAYAY. It gives more energy, and willpower. not to mention brainpower. and aromatherapy. i know i sound like a creepy hug-a-tree organic person, but it works.
lol. talk about a rant. i get going so easily. hehehe.

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I AM INSANE. I

"If you hold to my teaching, then you are really my diciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-JESUS John 8:31-32

Want to know the truth?

Check out these links
-www.dare2share

Happy New Year!!!

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Buckle Up! It makes it harder for aliens to suck you out of your car!
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Hai Floor, Make Me A Sammich! ~Gir

that bought me to tears

Merry Christmas Biggy!

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Mooo...

Merry Christmas Hun!



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Buckle Up! It makes it harder for aliens to suck you out of your car!
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Hai Floor, Make Me A Sammich! ~Gir

Hey hun how have you been these days?

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Psychotic tiger goddess ready to unleash the awesomeness that is me!

Love Peace and Chicken Grease

.:[ i. d.r.e.a.m i.n ]:.
.:[ b.r.o.k.e.n h.a.l.l.u.c.i.n.a.t.i.o.n.s]:.

Are you over on FA?

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I like cake

Hey, Beautiful Gallery Love Polaroids? Join Polariods today!

All the little souls in our lives leave an impact on us. It leaves an impression on our spirit. I wonder that since it was his little meows I had heard that let me know the kittens were there if that might have been his purpose. One of his (I always assume it's a he, it just feels that way) siblings had already died, probably stillborne. It was still cold outside and momma didn't seem to really know they needed to be covered up, so the little things were wondering around the empty box they were in (We are preparing to move and had a lot of empty boxes).
Momma was a stray, and scared to death of people. But she always talked to us when she was hiding under a car. Usually she knew to stay away from the Camaro, (It's a race car, and quite loud. When I start the Camaro it literally has rattled pictures off the walls) but that's where she chose to have the babies. If the little kitten with two faces wasn't crying then I might not have found the others in time to set them up safely. He was always crying because something was wrong with him, and I think he knew it. He couldn't eat because it would be in one mouth and out the other. His purpose was to save the lives of his siblings, and the three that were left are healthy and happy with new caring homes. But he did leave a little of himself on my heart.
I don't recall if I mentioned it, but gearhead geek I am I named the one stillborne kitten Zora before I buried it. The guy who made the first Camaro's was named Zora-Arkus Duntov.
Thanks for commenting, I honestly can't recall why I disabled comments... perhaps it was a misclick of a button.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

Your story almost made me cry, I think you did the right thing, it sounds like you tried really hard for the poor little one. I know you disabled comments but I couldnt help but let you know how I felt. Thank you for sharing that with the community.

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“I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find him laughing”

And yeah, I know ya probably hate me now. I don't blame you at all.
I hate me, too.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.

I've been pissed off at everyone lately. You, Moonie, myself more than anyone. I didn't mean to take you off here, I just had a LOT of artists who weren't doing anything, pissing me off (Like Darklion the backstabbing rat bastard) and so on. Only on YIM because you never really have anything to say anymore. It's kinda like "Hi" and a half hour passes before "Whelp... gotta hit the sack"
Some people just seemed insensitive to my griping, turning their backs on me. Which really got me torqued at the world because I'm always there when someone has a problem and I always listen, I never say "I don't care, just deal with it." yet when I turn to these same people they give a little advice here and there but get mad at ME because I have trouble letting go of a problem.
I haven't been online to chat with anyone, so it's not singling you out. Haven't talked to CJ, Deerock, ATM, or anyone. Not even my comic illustrator. We converse through Emails.
So I admit my anger towards everyone is misguided... I just don't know how or where to direct it. Just take my word for it, I've been beating myself up more than anyone.
It's like Moonie and yourself... the reason is because it's like I've given up on seeing anything you guys were supposed to draw for me. Normally it wouldn't be so terrible, but hell everything is kicking me in the balls and little things tick me off. So instead of going online and ripping everyone a new one I have been staying offline. I even uninstalled YIM a while back. I know this probably pisses you off, but I aint gonna lie to ya.
My heart's just broken and I need a place to bleed. No one wants it anywhere near their carpet so I just went and found a place to bleed alone.

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When I fall I fall far. I guess that's what I get for standing tall.