Bigevilogre

Some things in life you NEED your friends for. Some things you NEED the public for. I've been stabbed, burned, shot, electrocuted, run over by a car, thrown off the high school gym roof, stalked, beaten up, abandoned, disowned, and told that odds are there's a wheelchair in my near future. I had my teeth knocked in by either a Hells Angel or one of the Sons of Silence when I was 5 (It was a long time ago, I can't recall who he ran with.) I have to will myself just to stand up every morning, force myself to hobble to a shower, and push myself to go to work every day. I "make it" through every day working 8 hours at a job where I'm underappreciated and overworked. My ankles are fused into one solid bone, my wrists need to be fused, everything else hurts. I've watched friends and co workers die in the parking lot and I still have survivor's guilt from that.If I could go back and take their place I would. All but three of my highschool buddies are tearing shit up in heaven. Every trade I tried to do in life I lost the ability to do because of physical limitations. I also need my neck fused some day and left knee will need replaced. I have to watch my mother slowly degenerate mentally and physically. I have been fighting to bring some honor to women in a sport where women tend to be considered freaks and oddballs for a long time.
Done nothing for them. Yeah right. even though I'm facing litigation because I have not been able to pay some medical bills I still emptied my bank account for a friend when his brother died. I spent every single night for years listening to some friends vent about their school/family/boyfriend/girlfriend/art career/financial problems/health problems/self esteem and been supportive physically, financially, spiritually, and emotionally to them. I fought online and physically to protect friends. I paid for hotel fees with "surprise pay per views" at cons without griping and when the elevators were down I ran up with my bad feet, ankles, and knees 14 floors to get medicine. In the end I am told I'm as bad, if not worse, as any stalker or rapist because I haven't been as strong lately as I used to be, and tend to voice my opinion.
Yeah, I'm a douchbag. I'm a slimeball. Yeah, I feel sorry for myself because for once I want something nice.